A Beginner’s Guide To Marauder Adventures
by arctique48
Summary: All you need to know when creating a hysterical escapade with our three favourite boys plus one rat. [Parody]


**Disclaimer: Hogwarts etc belongs to JKR. Ideas included are not all my own etc…**

**AN: **I seek not to offend, only to amuse myself.

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There was a sudden crash and the third year dormitory of Gryffindor boys filled with purple smoke. 

"What the heck just happened?" demanded Sirius.

"I'm not sure," responded Remus, flicking quickly though a heavy leather bound book, "there's no mention of purple smoke in here. Something must have gone wrong."

"Too much blood do you think?" asked James, "Peter said he thought you cut him too deep, Siri."

"No, I don't think that would have made much difference, and anyway, we measured it all perfectly," said Remus peering into the cauldron. "Maybe we got the incantation wrong."

"But it's all written phonetically in the book, how could we have got it wrong?" questioned Sirius, taking up the tome, "This is the second time it's blown up in our face. I bet it's something really stupid we just keep missing out."

James was nodding in agreement, Peter about to follow suit, when Remus loudly exclaimed, "There's something in here!" drawing back from the cauldron with a dripping bundle in his hands,

Exchanging baffled looks the other boys dived forwards to get a better look.

Brow wrinkling in distaste Sirius was the first to speak. "It's a book."

"Yeah," mumbled James, pulling out his wand to flick away the cloth hiding the title. "'A Beginner's Guide to Marauder Adventures…'" he read. "Sounds… weird."

The others mumbled their agreement, shifting uneasily on their knees.

"So," said Sirius after an uncomfortable pause, "We going to open it?"

* * *

**A Beginner's Guide to Marauder Adventures. _(All you need to know when creating a hysterical escapade with our three favourite boys plus one rat)_**

After the success of the 'Guides to Dramione Romance' we have decided to tackle a different genre of clichés, based thirty or so years in the past with the generation of Harry Potter's parents. We are referring to, of course, the multitude of fanfictions based on the lives of James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, otherwise known as the infamous Marauders. In this guide we wish to share the secrets to writing the perfect Marauder adventure, including tips on plots, characterisation and general themes.

**The Marauders in a nutshell**

_"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers"_  
- J.K. Rowling – **Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban** (_The Marauder's Map_)

James Potter and Sirius Black are best-friends-forever. They've known each other since childhood (despite the obvious barrier of their families being on opposite sides of a war) and have a shared, wicked sense of humour. Gentle Remus Lupin and nervous Peter Pettigrew meet James and Sirius on the Hogwarts Express and are welcomed with open arms, forming the group of boys that would go down in Hogwarts' history as the Marauders. They are sorted into Gryffindor, make enemies (Severus Snape and his fellow Slytherins); friends (Frank Longbottom and other assorted Gryffindors); allies (Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid); victims (Lily Potter and other righteous do-gooders) and develop a healthy fan base (consisting of many squealing girls from lower years).

They discover Remus is a werewolf at some point during Second Year and instead of abandoning him as he'd feared they spend four years becoming Animaguses, officially proving themselves to be the best friends the world had ever seen. Sixth and Seventh Year become blurred with wild romances (some of which will be explored below) and soon it is time for the great friends to leave Hogwarts forever.

They join the Order of the Phoenix and fight for Dumbledore in the first war against Voldemort, James marries Lily Evans and they have a little boy called Harry while Sirius and Remus go job-hunting in the Ministry. Peter then joins the Death Eaters and betrays them all, framing Sirius and arranging the deaths of the Potters.

In the end Sirius is imprisoned, Peter runs away and Remus Lupin is left to wallow in his grief alone until the time when he is reunited with the Potter's son.

All in all, the story of these four boys is a tragic one of love, loyalty, pranks, battles and betrayals, and in this simple guide we wish to make the creation of your very own Marauder story a successful one.

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**Step One – Choosing an Angle**

Now, now, readers. Lets not be hasty. There is no point ploughing on ahead to select your plot until you have chosen your angle of choice. By this, of course, we are talking about your preferred genre, pairing and decade.

**Romance** – It's a sad favourite. So many aspire to write it and so few succeed. There are the pairings you'd expect (i.e. James/Lily), the pairings you'd rather like (i.e. Remus/Sirius) and the pairings thrown in their because other the plot wouldn't work quite so well and you wouldn't be able to exactly emulate that film you saw last month (i.e. Marauder/Lily love triangle with much angst and woe that bores you because you _know _she's gonna end up with James).

**Humour** – The ultimate favourite. The vast majority not recommended for readers over thirteen because nine times out of ten it just won't be funny. However, that one in ten may be the rare gem that leaves you snickering to yourself for several hours after your finished reading, so, if you really think you're funny, go for it. Make us laugh. I dare you.

**Drama** – Consists of much bitch-slapping and many messy break-ups. Perhaps throw in the Snape and Moony incident of sixth year for a bit of angst and then bring them all back together for a nice big boy-hug when they get over themselves at the end.

**Adventure** – You need a plot for this one. Not to be attempted by the faint hearted and while you're at it you might as well combine it with either romance or humour because otherwise people just aren't going to click on the little blue link. (Us readers are really just deprived little teenage girls in need of a giggle/girly sigh. Would we even be here were it not for fluffy romances or laugh-out-loud comedies?)

**Angst** – If people were looking for angst they probably wouldn't go searching in the Marauder fandom so if you want to gather a nice little armful of reviews either make your ending bittersweet enough to crack a smile or so damn tragic they're in floods of tears for the next ten minutes. Remember: The aim is to make an impression.

**Time Turning** - As discovered in The Prisoner of Azkaban, when in the possession of magic there are no such things as 'time barriers'. The time turner may only have worked for a few hours in the book, but it was small! Who's to say that if we had a BIG one or one with _black_ sand, we wouldn't be able to go back _years_ instead? 

Think of the possibilities! Your favourite characters? (Lets take Sirius and Hermione for sake of argument.) You like them, right? You think they'd be really, really good together? Well then. Problem solved. You just get Hermione to find another _even more magical_ time turner and get her to slip or something (details really aren't necessary, she could fall backwards into a bush for all we cared so long as she comes out the other side in the 1970's) and voila! A puff of smoke and she's met Sirius Black the younger and is promptly swung into a whirlwind adventure with him and his friends.

See. It's just that simple.

Of course, this is the Romance/Adventure with present-heroine and past-hero, but what about Harry? No time-turner story would be complete without our little green-eyed hero angsting over his Mum and Dad, only to crash into the quidditch stands and wake up to find himself in the hospital wing of Hogwarts twenty years previous.

Other pairings would include: Sirius/Hermione, Remus/Hermione, Sirius/Ginny, Remus/Ginny, Sirius/Harry, Remus/Harry, Hermione/Snape, Harry/Snape, Ginny/Snape, Ron/McGonagall, Ron/Snape, Ginny/James in a sneaky little affair revealing Ginny as Harry's actual mother, Ron/Lily, Hermione/Lily, Harry/Lily in a whirl of confusion (because he really does look _that much _like his father), Malfoy/Snape, Malfoy/Lily, Malfoy/James (because why not?), Malfoy/Remus, Malfoy/Sirius but no Peter/anyone because people just don't like him.

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**Step Two: Choosing a Plot**

We say _choosing_ because technically no imagination is required at all. Below is a list compiled of a number of successful/favoured plots that have proven themselves time and time again. (The majority work for all pairings.)

**Meet the Marauders** – Four little boys mount the Hogwarts Express not knowing a soul but desperate to make an impact on their new home. They meet in the only compartment with spare seats and soon become the best of friends. The story spans from first year to as far as the author gets before losing motivation/interest for this tale of friendship, laughter, secrets, betrayal and _love_ etcetera, etcetera…

**PRANK WARS** – Like, the Marauders don't like this other gang. And this other gang (captained by Lily Evans, Severus Snape or Lucius Malfoy), like, don't like the Marauders. And, like, they have this argument and, like, war is totally declared. And no. At the age of eighteen you are _not _too old to start food fights. Imagination preferred but not a requirement – pranks can be as colourful or predictable as you want and witty conversation is by no means a must.

**Secret Santa** – Marauder plus the girl of his dreams get somehow paired to give each other Christmas presents. They may not know each other in the slightest but by a combination of eavesdropping/spying and true-love inspired instincts they produced the prefect presents for each other and promptly fall in love. NB: Seasonal.

**Valentine's Day** – Remarkably similar to Secret Santa. The only _real_ difference worth mentioning is the change in colour scheme. Red and green to red and pink. Not too difficult really. NB: Seasonal.

**Time Turner** – See above. Should include at least one Marauder-era/present-era pairing.

**Tragic, unexpected, awful, awful, awful personal experience **– One Marauder (usually Remus or Sirius) goes through something terrible. Other Marauders comfort him with well thought out words and brotherly hugs. Optional slashy result (usually but by no means limited to Remus/Sirius).

**The Snape meets Moony incident** – Drama and angst galore. Will James forgive Sirius? Will Peter tire of being the middleman? Will Lily fall for James yet? Will Sirius fall for Remus? Will Snape stop being such a bastard? Will Remus forgive himself and Sirius forgive the world? Will the Marauders ever prank together again? All these questions and many more, all to be answered by _you_, oh writer.

**Aurors** – Because, quite honestly, what else can we imagine them doing? Auror training, auror drills, auror missions. Death-defying, gripping stuff. Side pairing of your choice, they might even be able to meet at auror HQ!

**After the Potters** – Sirius and Remus are reunited in a post-Azkaban fic with much angst and tortured souls. You can opt for slash with a nice, tear inducing ending or one of those mature friendship fics that do lots of reminiscing about their dead companions.

**After Sirius** – Yet _more_ angst. Only this time Remus is on his own having to continue with only young and beautiful Tonks to make his life worth living. Poor Remus. She will remind him lots of Sirius but whether this is a good or a bad thing is entirely up to you.

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**Step Three: The Romance**

Come on, how many fics have you read that don't attempt it in some way or another? At the very least there will be a mention and in this section we give you a very brief overview of the three most prominent Marauder romances.

_**The Lovers (traditional)**_

Lily Evans and James Potter are your typical fairytale pairing. They're attractive, powerful and live in this whopping great castle surrounded by lakes and mountains and other super-romantic scenery galore. Given the set up it's almost impossible to imagine anything could go wrong at all.

**James and Lily: the high school comedy** – You see, the sad thing is, with this pairing there are not enough ties in the actual canon to stop the author floating the couple into an American high school. And Lo! Welcome to Hogwarts High! There's suddenly a bloody _prom_, and lip-gloss and hair straightening and parties where people listen to stuff that's in the charts _now_! Sub-cultures take over and you find yourself hating _everyone_ because no one that stereotyped should be allowed to breath. They try to be funny. And they're not. And they try to be romantic. And they're not. And, of course, they try and be _original_. And. They. Are. _Not_.

**James and Lily: the tragic romance** – It's sad. Well, actually it's not at all. It's happy and funny and there are little romantic sappy bits that make your heart sing a little and then there's a sudden void. And they're dead. And you're left thinking 'oh' with a little sad face on. Because it was really unfair of J.K. Rowling to go and make them die.

**James and Lily: the feel-good ball of fluff** – They make your toes curl with smiles until you want to go and watch something really, really gory just to get the happy-sappy notions out of your head. When written well they're lovely, though often an acquired taste, but when written badly they are to be avoided like the plague lest you be sickened/bored to a melodramatic and premature death.

**James and Lily: the angst of unrequited love **– They don't quite work really. James whines on and on and on and on and on and you sit there patiently waiting for the big bang where she changes her opinion of him and all lives happily ever after and yet he just keeps going on and on and on and on and on until you eventually decide that the author doesn't actually know what to do when she gets to that big bang moment. So she keeps on with the moaning until inspiration strikes her.

_**The Lovers (contemporary) **_

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin have so many things in common, who could possibly resist the opportunity to pair them up? The wolf and the dog living happily ever after under the moon and stars. Big smile. It's just so nice. They're not without their share of childhood torment but this turns into a talking point when they're doing their little we're-not-quite-friends but not-quite-more-than-friends-either thing and eventually they pair up because that book three hug was so _not_ just brotherly.

**Remus and Sirius: the tragic romance** – see Lily/James version and just change the names.

**Remus and Sirius: the high school comedy **– see Lily/James version and just change the names.

**Remus and Sirius: the feel-good ball of fluff **– see Lily/James version and just change the names.

**Remus and Sirius: the angst of unrequited love **– see Lily/James version and just change the names.

_**The Lovers (unwanted)**_

**OC's plus Sirius or Remus –** She's almost definitely going to be a relative of Dumbledore, Merlin or Harry, maybe even Malfoy, but there is very little chance of her coming from a non-descript background. She tries very hard to be the ultimate heroine and as far as most readers are concerned, she fails (NB: the author will disagree ninety-nine times out of a hundred). She has nice hair (style or colour depending on the author's particular taste (or in fact, the author's own appearance)) and interesting eyes (either very blue, very green, very purple or very black. They will not be brown.). She has special powers (more often than not stolen from something along the lines of Buffy or X-men) and at some point helps our heroes before falling madly in love with one or the other (or even both forming a sickly-sweet love triangle maintaining the rapt, heart-stopping attention of the author and a limited number of others).

OCs (a.k.a Original Characters or evil, blood-sucking Mary-Sues) tend to be either the author incarnate or the author's 'dream-me' given form and very little personality. They also tend to be absolute bitches in a way that suggests the author thought she was being really cool when she got her character to say that.

Thankfully the majority of authors grow out of Mary-Sues, though it is yet to be proven if this is due to the bashing they get from their reviewers. We at the Beginner's Guide find it amusing that realism is far better approached when manipulating fictional characters than when inserting yourself or your friends into imaginary situations.

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**Step Four: The Icing on the Cake**

**The Characterisation of Heroes**

"_Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of law-breakers."  
_- Fred Weasley

**Moony** - He's shy, bookish, clever and generally an all round Mr Nice Guy. We _like _Remus. However he has a terrible secret and once a month he becomes a howling, teeth gnashing, bloodthirsty monster. This is quite sad and there are many fics out there illustrating just _how_ sadand tear_-_worthy this really is. Poor Remus. 

Within the Marauders Remus is portrayed as the brains. He may not approve of everything but he tends not to be too forceful with his objections because he loves his friends very much. Sometimes it is up to him to talk Sirius out of stupid, rash, bad-boy-with-a-good-heart notions and he is eventually the one who gets James on the right track for dating Lily. We like Remus.

He is loyal, considerate, witty and brave. He has brains, he is cultured, he says all the right things and nicely balances out his friends' wildness. He is also very strong and deals very well with his problem (and he drinks tea). Yay for Remus!

**Wormtail** - Nobody likes him. Some people do try, but it is almost inevitable that at some point any Marauder author will lapse into 'I hate Peter' mode. He is mostly presented as a mixture of Slytherin and Hufflepuff, with not a single redeeming quality past the fact he has great friends. He is never seen to be brave, intelligent or even remotely imaginative. Also, his 'chubby' or 'rat-like' appearance is mentioned frequently, so we don't ever forget exactly who's being talked about and exactly _what he's done._

Within the Marauders he's the one who hangs around because they pity him and there are growing suspicions from James and Sirius over where his loyalty lies (despite the fact they still trusted him enough to be the Potter's secret keeper). He sneaks around a lot and cannot lie. Which is strange given what he gets away with but James and Remus and Sirius are too clever to let that rat get past them! (Apart from that one time. In the books. With the betrayal and stuff.)

His Animagus form is a rat which tells us a lot about his character but also allows him to freeze the Whomping Willow for the other boys. He's convenient like that.

**Padfoot** – He is a rebel with a brilliant sense of humour and a very fierce streak of loyalty; unless you are Lily Evans you are _bound_ to adore Sirius Black. He is best friends with James Potter and is a hero through and through. Confirmed as 'attractive' in book five with dark hair and pale eyes Sirius Black is usually presented either as Hogwarts' resident man-whore or Remus Lupin's devoted lover. 

Slash-Sirius is usually the lovely tortured soul type that's compassionate, brave, loyal and fun to be around. You read about him and think "dammit! Why does he have to be gay?" and then you pause and change it to "Dammit! Why does he have to be _fictional_ and gay!" Occasionally he says the wrong thing, but how can you say no to those big puppy-dog eyes? How, Remus, how?

On the other hand the generic het-Sirius tends to be remarkably similar to Joey from that hit TV show 'Friends'. He likes girls and food and he's not all that clever, though he does provide a multitude of one-liners that will either make you laugh or they won't – it's as simple as that. Het-Sirius is a BIG hit with the ladies of Hogwarts and he does all he can to get James on the right track with Lily. He is often used to balance out James's unrequited misery with comic scenes involving McGonagall catching him with his latest conquest in some broom closet or other.

Within the Marauders Sirius is the reckless, devil-may-care one. He owns a flying motorbike and cracks jokes about everything. He'd die for his friends and at points it is illustrated that he might have been better off doing so. His Animagus form is a black dog, fitting due to his loyalty and namesake (Sirius the Dog Star).

Wider reading: See US television show, Friends, for the finer aspects of Joey's, sorry, I mean _Sirius's_, fanon character. Also, see Shawshank Redemption for during/post Azkaban fics.

**Prongs** - Everyone loves him. However when reading Lily POV fics it is often difficult to identify why. Yes, we _know_ he's good looking, but seriously, he must have _something_ else to back up all this adoration, he's just plain mean! We're told he's clever and he plays quidditch well but his arrogance on every level seems to overshadow any plus points on his personality. Which is a shame. Because half the time she's already in love with him and he's meant to be our hero. 

His brushing-the-hair-out-of-the-eyes thing can be due to his narcissistic tendencies, nervousness, or just habit but it will be explained at some point or other as will Lily's hate for said movement. You will either see him flying or hear about him flying or hear him moaning about how he wants to be flying at least once in almost any fic, either that or Lily. Lily this or Lily that. It's miraculous the Marauders put up with him at all.

And then, in dramatic, eye-twitching contrast there is James POV. It's like a different universe altogether and suddenly we _love_ James. He's sweet and funny and when he does stuff wrong it's… well, it's a mistake. End of. James from James's point of view is a _nice _person. Less emphasis on his looks (and far more on Sirius and Remus's but that's neither here nor there) and far more on his sense of humour, which, when looking at it his way, isn't that cruel at all.

James is a romantic, the ringleader of the Marauders, a one-woman man with loyalty and wit and big smiles all round. Yay for James!

**The Pranks**

"_I solemnly swear I am up to no good."_

There are traditionally three types of Marauder pranks.

**One** - For everyone.

Something bright, colourful and loud. Something to make the new first years laugh and Dumbledore chuckle. Something to catch attention and ensure everyone knew who'd done it.

_Example_: Levitation of tables and benches in the Great Hall, resulting in the entire school eating lunch among the ceiling beams while a banner unfolds on the floor 'Happy Thursday from the Marauders'.

**Two** – For the Slytherins.

Something cruel, embarrassing or just downright silly, targeting their rival house and framing someone else (generally Snape) despite the fact every person in the school knows it was them.

_Example_: Jinxing the floor leading to the Slytherin entrance to turn to ice whenever someone bearing the snake crest walked by, leading to huge pileups in front of the entrance while only the very lucky managed to safely enter their common room.

**Three** – For Lily Evans.

Occur mainly in class, either making James Potter look like an absolute genius or trying hard to appeal to Lily in particular's sense of humour. This was where the plan fails; James rarely has a clue what makes Lily laugh and in response they try a little bit of everything, more often than not getting her so angry she yells.

These three brands of pranks can be used as fillers to further the plot, focuses to base the entire plot around or interludes to lighten the mood when you're getting bogged down in drama and angst. Great detail can be put into the planning for each prank or you can cut straight to the chase and enter with a bang, catching your audience attention before they wander off after discovering you can't actually _spell_.

_**Thank you for reading and Good Luck with your future Marauder fics. :)

* * *

**_

Sirius blinked.

"That was… interesting."

The others nodded vaguely.

"Do you think… it was right?" they turned to look at Remus. "You know, about the James and Evans thing? Do you think he's going to marry her?"

There was an awkward pause.

Sirius looked uncomfortably at James, "They said you were going to die, mate."

Suddenly James started to laugh.

The others stared in shock.

James fell over and continued laughing, eyes leaking and chest heaving.

"Erm, you alright, mate?" questioned Sirius, concerned.

"That." He managed between giggles. "Was the best April fools you guys have _ever_ pulled on me!"

Sirius glanced at Remus in confusion, confirming that neither had preformed any such joke. "Peter?" They glanced at the smaller boy.

He shook his head, turning back to James with an expression of mild amusement.

"We though you'd like it," he commented, before turning to grin at his shocked friends, "play along," he mouthed at them.

Faces cracking Sirius and Remus burst out laughing.

* * *

**AN:** Also from the series:  
_- A Beginner's Guide To Dramione Romance_  
_- An Intermediate Guide To Dramione Romance_

Forthcoming:  
- _A Beginner's Guide to Lily-James Romance_ (title subject to change)

Forthcoming:- (title subject to change) 


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